January 11, 2013

Gettin' ParLaid: SO MUCH SYMMETRY


Congrats folks, you've made it through the drudgery of another work week without setting your hair (or office building) aflame. I guess that means it's time to burn through some cash (looks like this weekend is off to a pleasant pyromaniacal theme). Speaking of flaming-hot sensations, that one on your loins is a good thing: it means you've been having copious amounts of bareback sex. (puts on rubber gloves) High five!

Before we get into this week's action, I'd like to take a second to let you thank me for padding your bank accounts.

Retarded gambler 1: But Bubb, you won your Saturday bet and lost your Sunday bet, doesn't that mean you broke even?

Well, good sir, if you had bet your games straight up like a PANT-PISSING PACIFICST PUSSY, then yes. You made a whopping zero dollars and probably spent your non-football weekend time reading HAIRSTYLIST WEEKLY MAGAZINE (available only in Canada, go figure).

If you got ParLaid, like I did, you banked some COLD HARD JACKLEWS and plowed a sultry brunette with a nose ring and bowtie tattoos on the backs of her thighs. Go us.

We have four more NFL games this weekend, but only two lines: 9 and 3.

I'd give you explanations for why I'm betting the way I am, but what's the point? I made you money last time, and I'll do it again this weekend. No need to thank me in the comments section, just a Maker's Old Fashioned please. Here we go:

Parlay 1: Broncos -9, Packers +3
Parlay 2: Falcons -3, Texans +9


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