October 8, 2009

Perm-O-Meter Double-Dip: It's a Slow News Day

Thank god this blog isn't called "Schefter's Schlong," because that guy provides ESPN with video analysis like he's an indentured servant. And we'd have so many "Schlong-O-Meter" posts that our collective lives would go the way of John Clayton's career. WHERE IS INSIDE THE HUDDLE??

Anywho, Herm's back with the NFL Live crew (T. Wingo and M. Douchebag Schlerith) to discuss who's the better of the league's top wide receivers - Andre Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald. This is like asking if you'd rather fuck Ashley Tisdale or Audrina Patridge. See? We're not the only ones who are desperately burrowing for sports news. View:

Schlerith takes Johnson with the rationale that he's big, physical and experienced success despite inconsistencies at the quarterback position. He then pussies out by passing it to Herm with a "there's no wrong answer here." Johnson was in a Dick's commercial. Maybe he can help you find yours, Mark.

Herm also takes Johnson, citing his advantage in the ability to turn a slant route into a big play. Care to rethink that, big guy? I know you're probably exhausted from your earlier rant (which, I reiterate, was amazing), but you straight up missed this one like a JaMarcus Russell pass.

Trey tries to lighten the blow to Fitz's reputation near the end, but only counters with the fact that he can go above the coverage to bring down a ball. All three of them failed to recognize what was growing out Larry's scalp though. Every person who is an analyst should have a a predetermined dread bias, because stats show that dreads improve your performance by 800%.

Maybe Herm could use a little dread growage himself, to improve his stamina and permformance while doing multiple segments. Not the greatest ever, but still get one perm for the effort. Being thrown into a bind like that is a difficult task to overcome, especially after he poured his heart and soul into the previous interview.

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