"HAHAHAH, Calipari. That dumb fuck. He should have known I was up to no good," said President Barack Obama, " I never liked sleazy people so I gave him a little white house magic."
Of course. It makes so much sense. Let me iterate this point. First, last week the Jayhawks took on Baylor, and before the game there would be a donation fest at Allen Fieldhouse. Bill Self announced that whatever the Lawrencians donate that night, he will match with his 2 million plus a year salary. The fans came through with half a million which was matched for a total of a whole million. Barrack didn't not come calling.
Fast forward to last night where the Kentucky
"I've always had a love for the Jayhawks. Me and Paul Pierce used to hang out when he came to Chicago to play the Bulls. I was actually there when he got stabbed. Thank god I got out of there in time or I might not have been able to make America Socia....(cough cough)."
You may be wondering why Obama has this love for the Jayhawks, considering he was a boy from Hawaii and senator of Illinois. Well, his mom instilled it in him. Her loving Kansas nuturing gave way to his love of the state of Kansas and the only school in the state that is a threat to win championships.
"When I was a kid, my mom would tell me of her nights with Wilt Chamberlain. In fact, she originally thought I was his kid. That would have been awesome. Maybe I'd be playing awesome basketball and not wearing this entirely uncomfortable suit."
He then looked towards the window, imagining his life had he been a Chamberlain.
"I gotta go do this State of the Union thing."
With a saddened heart he left the room, and also left Kansas with the #1 ranking next week. We all applaud you Chalkrock Obama.