All is quiet on the Northwest front. Nary a tweet, facebook status update or old-fashioned media comment from new Seahawks Head Coach Pete Carroll about his replacements. Could it be because he's already too busy relaxing in his bathtub full of $100 bills, brainstorming ways to work around his quarterback downgrade from M. Barkley? Maybe. The more likely scenario is that he's using those hundos to mop his piss off the floor, after realizing that USC's new coaching staff will expose the fact that he, and not his henchmen, was actually the most replaceable element of the equation.
As you may have read, Herm's Perm naturally advocated for the legendary Herm Edwards as Carroll's replacement. Anything else would have been an incredible let down and, initially, it was. Hiring Lane Kiffin alone would have been questionable at best, but after learning that Mike Garret adorned the package with a few other amenities in the form of Monte Kiffin, Ed Orgeron and possibly Norm Chow, this perfect storm makes Katrina look like just another rainy day.
The momentary sense of instability and doubt surrounding USC's football program couldn't have taking a sharper U-turn. Only two nights ago my peers were drowning their sorrows in AMF's at the 9-0, and now we're gleefully taking handle pulls with a giant middle finger aimed in the general direction of Seattle.
Yeah, I'm being a little harsh on Pete. He was the captain of the Trojan vessel that had the best seamen in all the land (/dickjokefix) and experienced so much success. He probably deserves a little credit. But he did it with the help of Lane and Chow.
The only disconcerting aspect of this announcement is the possibility of a repeated Carroll scenario down the road. Kiffin's one-plus year in the NFL left a lot of unanswered questions regarding his ability to coach at the highest level. Could he be using USC as a springboard for a second shot with a team run by a sane, coherent owner? Based on his departure from Tennessee, in which his hastily organized press conference looked more like a suspicious resignation because of his urgency to skip town, Kiffin's loyalty remains somewhat suspect.
Ah, fuck it. I graduate next year. If he brings USC a championship in that time period, he can be the North Korean dictator afterward for all I care. As for now....
WE'RE BACK, BABYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!1
And if you're wondering why the only pictures in this post have Layla Kiffin (Lane's wife) in them, it's because I'm going to have a permanent boner until Sept. 4.