March 24, 2010

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fack.

I'm just going to start off with a notice that this post will have nothing to do with the game. The game is what it was. We lost. We should have lost. The better team that day won. That is it. This is just for the people who think it's the greatest thing to see the Jayhawks lose in such an unappealing fashion.

It's not. It's the worst thing that can happen to the people of Lawrence. A campus shooting (which would most likely be started by me shoving an AK-47 down the throat of a chinese exchange student that doesn't know when to SHUT THE HELL UP DURNING CLASS) would be less depressing than this loss. When you see the kids fall to the ground crying, don't tell them to stand up and stop being a pussy. It is the end of the world for them. We don't take kindly to our black people failing at the one thing they can do well.

The only way of comparing this loss is to having a child. You love your child. You watch he/she/it grow into a fully functioning 18 year old that has such a bright future. 4.0 student in high school and on their way to Princeton to have themselves a great education and great life. Then, in their second semester at Princeton, the unbelievable. A stray arrow from the archer club nails your kid in the eye while walking past the targets because your kid was delusional from the nine hits of acid earlier that day. 

That is what it's like for us. We watch our FUCKING TEAM WIN 33 FUCKING GAMES AND ONLY LOSE TWO. THEN A FUCKING RANDOM ASS ENDING OF OUR SEASON. It is the most frustratingly/depressing/confusing thing that can happen to you. You ask yourself – WHY?! WHY ME! WHY DIDN'T TYRELL GUARD OSAMA BIN LADEN ON THAT THREE! WHY!?

And all the crying and elementary school child rape cannot heal those wounds. 

Yes, I am being a whiny bitch. A deservedly whinny bitch at that though. 

Let's just ask this question – have you been to Kansas? Because if you have, you would know it's full of nothing. Literally nothing, except Jayhawk basketball. It is literally the only thing that is good about the state. You live trough your shitty football team for a few months just to warm up for basketball. You know every player on the roster, right down to the white guy walk-ons that may or may not be gay. You would be willing to suck Xavier Henry's penis in an instance to get him back one more year. 

You don't do that shit at Georgetown, or Villanova or even Syracuse. They all have large cities with perfectly good opium dens to forget your basketball. In Kansas, NO OPIUM. Our opium is getting a five star recruit. Our opium is watching the '08 championship tapes. Living and breathing basketball is an understatement. Our anatomical make up is basketball. Literally, our atoms are little basketballs. Girls know the team, guys know the team, even gays know the team (and would totally investigate the anal cavities of each and every player). 

I'll present to you a little story exemplifying this. I was in my 8:00 am class for marketing on Monday, the first day back from spring break, and if you know your average college student, you know that 8 am classes are hell in a handbasket. If you are walking in the door with sweatpants and the t-shirt you wore yesterday you are overdressed. People snoring or reading text messages but certainly not listening to our teacher. Then the subject came up. By just saying "a poor game this weekend" revealed a perfectly awake room of students with the ability to groan at exactly the same moment. I thought I was imune to the groan, but after looking back on it, I realized I did it completely uncontrollably, you know, because of the baskatoms in my body.

So yeah, it's a fucking big deal, and I'm sure no one in Northern Iowa cheered when their profs made a statement of the game, or get the day off after the national championship. NO. BUT WE WOULD, AND I SO FUCKING WANTED THAT DAY OFF ASSHOLES. 

Anyways that is all. I had to get that off my chest. Now I'll just type up my regrets letter and steady my noose.

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