January 2, 2010

Big eyed birds vs Fake birds LIVE BLOG

Last year, in Kansas City, Temple gave the Jayhawks a terrible loss. It wasn't even close. So, obviously, they think they are the shit. In fact, after beating Villinova, their fans began chanting "We want Kansas." Well you got 'em.

This is the first ranked opponent Kansas has faced this year, which should be enough to get them ready for this game. But just to entirely lock up the blowout of Temple, their fans went out and got all penisy. Not only that, but this is the first time the Twins (Marcus and Markieff Morris) have been back to their hometown to play with the Jayhawks.

I'll just let Sherron tell you how badly they want to win this game.


We are about 30 minutes away from the game, where the live blog will begin. Currently I'm watching Vern Ludquist get his first raging errection without the aid of Viagra trying to describe John Wall. He is still fucking amazing.

As always, Wilt will be in blue and Bubb in red. I think you can tell which team we want to win.

From what I've been seeing, Kentucky is good. I also have noted that Rick Pitino get's extremely animated on the sidline. Sucks that it's a good game, because I have to watch KU instead. UGH. If only there was something that like recorded live television.

2:29 - All I've noticed is that you neglected to attribute a time to your post and that if you watch "Zantac" ads on mute, it appears to be selling a pill that will rid you of your burrito-induced pregnancy. Yay for progressive science! I'm also watching the Villanova-Marquette game, because the most logical west coast programming option is a Big East game.

Look, money is time, and my time is priceless. Doesn't make sense, but doesn't have to. It's FUCKING 4:32. GET IN CENTRAL TAHME! This Villanova game is really frustrating. How long has Scottie Reynolds been at nova?  I remember when he was the 08 Sherron Collins to Kyle Lowry, Allen Ray, and Randy Foye.

2:39 - Marquette airballs a 3-pointer about half a second after the buzzer sounds, finally sending us to the ghetto of Philadelphia. We jump right into it and Sherron Collins is beating the Owls, 7-3. HE WARNED YOU, DANNY DEVITO. IF IT'S ALL CAPS, IT'S ALL OVER FOR YOU SHORTMAN.

4:41 - HE WAS UP EALY. That man, he can really do awesome. If you're watching the game, then you already know that this is the worst camera angle for a basketball in the the history of basketball. This is not how Dr. James Naismith would have liked to see is sport viewed. Cole looks like a grain of rice on the defensive end.

2:44 - Temple's scoring threat is named Juan Fernandez - a name which conjures an image of a scruffy, dark-skinned, poncho-wearing man with no pants.  He, in fact is as white as Bill Gates and happens to be wearing shorts. The kid looks like a typical anglo-saxon suburbanite. Fucking deceptive. There's also a Guzman on the court for the owls. Who knew Philly was on the Mexico border?

4:50 - Yeah, put Xavier on the line. Good call there. And Tommy Robinson with an early foul. I can tell, he's gonna try and beat his record for quickest foul out. I'm right. He just got his second. This the 3rd or 4th time They've mistaken one of our players as another one. Fucking Len Elmore. Old ass fuck.

4:53 - On top of that, Lenny adds that X-man is 46 percent from three and 75 percent from the line, so defenders might want to pick their poison. Now I'm no mathemagician, but if I had a condom that I could use once with a 46 percent chance of not getting a chick pregnant, or a different condom that i would use 3 times with a 75 percent chance of not getting a chick pregnant....I'm fucking confusing myself. You know what I'm going for with this. At the 12 minute break, it's a 19-14 KU lead following a Temple thrizzle.

 5:00 - Juan Pablo Montoya just took a 40 foot three, which ends 35 feet from the rim. The faint sound of airball rains down. We got Kansas fans here. Cole just ended a Temple layup. His blocks are the most un emphatic in basketball. We've caught the Louisville disease of missed layups. That shit can happen to anyone. Gotta get that vaccination. Our vaccination - Sherron Collins.

3:04 - KU deports Juan Fernandez's three with an 8-0 run, pushing the lead to 10. I'm still waiting to see green man in the stands. WE'RE IN THE PHILLY GHETTO FOR PETE'S SAKE. All the Kansas fans will be celebrating in Paddy's pub after the game. X-man hits a trey. GIVE THAT MAN A WHEELCHAIR!

5:08 - GIVE THAT MAN A UNIVERSITY. Dana O'neil just called UCLA EW EH ELLL AAAHH. Made no sense. It's almost as if she was blowing Mario Little and trying to do her segment. We just made seven shots in a row, and forced two timeouts in a row. This is how you fuck the owls with a long dick. I've decided that Juan is actually pronounced Jewahn. It's more white that way.

3:11 - Ellen Page is perplexingly, but nonetheless pleasingly, a spokesperson for Cisco. I don't know what Cisco does, and I seriously doubt that Ellen does either. I guess they let classrooms of Americans with flatscreen TVs interact with Chinese kids in China. Waste of fucking time and money if you ask me. The interaction with the Chinese, not the flatscreen.

5:15 - Bill isn't happy. I always love when he calls a timeout just because he doesn't like our defense. We could go 0-22 and never call a timeout, but one bad pick and roll coverage and it's TIMEOUT CITY, as Dick Vitale would say. Cole is being his badass toothless self. That's how he does it. HE GETS UP EALY TOO. SHERRON AND COLE WENT TO DENNYS THIS MORNING AND GOT A SLAMMER WITH AN EXTRA SIDE OF SAUSAGE BITCHES. THATS HOW HE ROLL. 

It's halftime now, and the greater team is leading 40 -23. This is exatly how it should be. We are utilizing the Owl's abilities to turn their head entirely around to force them to watch us rail their ass doggy style. I've been waiting to say that one for a while.

3:24 - I'd like to take this time to remind everyone that USC will go for its eighth consecutive win and 10th overall this season tonight against Arizona State. The Sun Devils are coming off a loss against UCLA. The Pac-10: even when all the teams are shitty, it's still parity.

 5:30 - I've got a better slogan for the Pac-10. The Pac-10: where getting laid by hot, tan blonds cums before our sport prestige. Also, there is no typo above. OH ESPN. How dare you mix my college basketball with scores from college football. NOT A FAN. I think Dave and Busters commercials are horrible. Who the fuck plays skiball with a goddamn tie on. That shit gets in the way. Your score is going to be lower than Lenny Dykstra's credit score.

3:35 - Even if I cheer for Temple this half, it's not going to make a difference. Kansas won't be challenged until they play Texas. I have to point out that I'm very impressed by how well Kansas fans travel. I'm hearing equally loud cheering when KU hits a shot as when Temple does. Sherron Collins continues to nutbust all over Juan's face, hitting another three.

5:40 - You Juan more Ron cream Juan? YES YOU DO. The All-Americans hook up for a pick and roll that ended in a double fisted dunk that rattled Philadelphia right down to it's core. Patty's Pub won't be able to open for weeks thanks to the debris left over. Marcus just added some more debris to that with a bomb dunk.

3:44 - Dana O'Neill is our sideline reporter, who's also compiling an inside look at the Jayhawks season so far. No word yet on whether or not the video will include footage from Bill Self's latest colonoscopy. Get it? Because it's an inside look. Or maybe she's just strapping a video camera to all the players' foreheads and letting them cunnilinigus her. KU leads by 20, 51-31.

5:48 - How dare you say we would cunnilinigus her. NOT IN KANSAS. We use our cocks. Plus pubes are gross. 51 to 32 and it's officially an ass blast. An ass blast thats worse than the ass blasting of taxes to Patty's Pub. I think this is slowly going to turn into a bunch of It's Sunny quotes very soon.

3:51 - Right now, KU is the HUGE DONG and Temple is the TINY BIRD. DICKTOWEL! This game is best represented in this video:

KU is the dog and Temple is the table. Or the gay guy who screams at the 11 second mark.

 5:56 - This guy was entirely unhappy with our 3pt shooting
percentage, and he also was not happy with the KU fans 
getting more face time

 Yeah the words are backwards, but you get the point. DON'T

3:58 - Go Owls, heil Hitler? Even more impressive was the KU fan 
who awkwardly stared directly into the camera clapped robotically
for 15 straight seconds with no stopping until his time in the
spotlight ended.

6:02 - Clapping is so ingrained in our head for our teams 
that you do it even when you don't realize it. Lexus 
appears to still be doing Christmas commercials
which is bush league. Let's get the damn Valentines
commercials. On that note, CJ Henry comes in,
and he is my favorite player. He's fucking great.
 Just watch.

4:05 - I can't believe that there's still 7.5 minutes left in this game. It's 63-38 KU. 
There hasn't been a front line as strong or as long as KU's since Whitney and Bobby
were together. This game needs to end so I can start pregaming for USC later.

6:10 - Cole scores a double double. We are so fucking awesome, but not good enough.
We need triple doubles every game. EVERY GAME. Ahhh, Juan is Agentinian. That 
makes plenty of sense. It's summer down there right now, and sitting here in Lawrence
with 8 whole degrees of warmth is making me dream of summer. Oh yeah, and we are 
4:15 - Today is one of those days where I watch an illegally pirated video online because
1. I'm bored and lazy as shit and
2. There's still a shitton of shitty movies that are too shitting expensive to see in theatres or
3. Today's gem: Jennifer's Body. Megan fucking Fox.

And what was the outcome? Or should I say outcum? And was it good? And how 
was Diablo Cody's writing? And finally, what's the blond girl's name there.
 We are up by 26 and thrown in Connor Tehan. That's when you know your done.
 If you see Tehan on the court, your fucked.  

4:20 - Rockchalkchanttahme. And I haven't watched it yet, retard. I WANT MATT KLEINMAN.

6:22 - Len Elmore is perplexed at why KU has so many fans there. I am as well. We have 
fans everywhere, but we out cheered them at home. Something Texas might be able
to do, but Kansas? Meh, I like it. I'll just wrap it up here. This one's been over for quite
a while. Thanks for coming, and enjoy KU kicking every things ass.

1 comment:

  1. that was really nice to read that.. that was really great post.. it seem great information.. for more information bird control, pest bird control, pigeon deterrent, bird control problem, pigeon bird control u can visit http://www.usabirdcontrol.com