THIGPEN CAN PET FLIPPER NOW!

Uh oh. Looks like mom forgot to layoff the alcohol during pregnancy.

Can you say FAS?

This is the type of brains that only the U of noz Mizzou can spit out. Look at her confidence, and POISE. It's like Dirty Sanchez in the pocket. Nothing rattles her except the many brain contusions she suffered as a child. Cheering on her team as they squeaked by Nevada last Friday night. I am personally glad that my parents chose the Kansas side of the state line, due to that very picture above, and I'm betting that Tyler Thigpen is glad to get out of Missouri as well.

Chad Pennington is out for the Dolphins on Sunday thanks to a weak shoulder suffered Sunday against the Chargers. So, what's a Bill Parcells gonna do to complete his Utopian offensive innovation? Call up for a QB that completes his Wildcat offense like Brad Pitt completes Brangelina. That quarterback's name: TYLER THIGPEN. The man with legs like a Ferrari and the arm like a tank. When you take off his pads he looks like a cardboard life size Optimus Prime. Somehow he was buried in the depth chart in KC like the allspark in the first Transformers. Now he's on his way down to Miami where he can find himself his very own Megan Fox. Record for most Transformer references? YES. Making up a record for the most of a specific pop culture reference in a paragraph like Bill Simmons? FUCK and YES.

This might be the best fit for a quarterback EVER. Or at least until next year when the fins draft Jesus 2.0 and make Don Shula proud with an undefeated season. Then Tebow will continue by not losing a game ever again, curing cancer, brain damage, autism, and not having sex until he finds his very own Mary Magdalene.

I know what you want. Here you go dammit.

You're welcome.