September 28, 2009

GObama, Tell Denmark Who They're Daddy is

When most people think of Copenhagen, they think of ruff ridin' douchebag cowboys who don't recognize that half their lip has disintegrated into a black swollen mess of tobacco. What does Obama think of Copenhagen? OLYMPICS.

This Friday, the committee that oversees the location of the 2016 Olympics will make their decision on where that bad boy will be. Chicago is in the running, and being the former Senator from Illinois and friend of the Windy City, Obama has a willingness to bring the Olympics back to the US. He's planning a trip to use his unrelenting personal speaking ability to force their hand. Of course, he could just enact an embargo against Denmark til we get what we want. Isn't that what we do as Americans? *cough*MichaelCrabtree*cough*.

But why waste the time? We are losing our stranglehold on the world, and that world we all expect to be there in seven years wont be around in three. Unless you're looking for an Olympics filled with little woodland creatures that avoid the human pulverizing blast, there won't be much of an audience for the games.

Apparently that is all irrelevant to Barrack, though, but I'm wondering, what kind of things he will say to get his way? (unintentional rhyme)

Look, we the Cubs. The most.. losingest franchise in all of America, and probably the world. Chicagoans need an..uh.. uplifting sport culture so that they can bring back the cow stock yards.. that have become so outdated in that town. Also, our people need health care, and gay marriage for all.

Mr. Obama, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about freedom, the American Dream, Apple Pie, Baseball Football, Hope, and black people.

Wow Mr. President, you make a convincing argument. So far Kenya and Argentina have only said that they need the income from the games to FEED THEIR PEOPLE. What a fucking joke, amiright? Chicago deserves it, and you have our promise that we will be there in 2016.

Sounds about right to me.

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