Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse: Week 12/2

This is a weekly blog that compares the likes of college sports and addictive drugs, and then rolls it into a tight little blunt I like to call the Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then clearly you have participated in some Friday morning substance abuse. So get ready to sit Indian Native American style and stare at a bookshelf for 3 hours cause it's time to drop some acid.
 
I'm half tempted to start putting basketball on the top, but since the football season is supposedly heating up, I'll leave it, although, these next few weeks are the worst of the year. There is only one ranked match-up this week. One damn game. Then we have conference title games in conferences where it doesn't matter. A national championship game in New Orleans. That's all. Then POINTLESS BOWL GAMES. Then SEMI POINTLESS BOWL GAMES. Fuck you BCS. Fuck you like a stripper in a large penis festival. Enough of that, I'm getting the shitting on sweats.



So, that one ranked game this week. You wanna know who the ranked fellas are? One is a school full of liberal assholes who complain about some shooting, like it's a big deal. Then the other one is it's conservative counterpart. Michele Wie goes there, and she's a winner. This is why I like them. Them equals Stanford ranked a whopping 17 this week after a win against Bubb's usc. Tells you how far the trojans have fallen. I'm not even capitalizing them anymore.

Cal has lost their Best, and with that concussion, he's most likely participating in Parkinson's procedures later in life. Seriously, that landing was worse than flight 93's. He was going to be a Chief too. Now, with the whole Dementia thing in the NFL, he'd be lucky to be drafted. If he was smart, he would turn straight to broadcasting. Those head trauma's get worse every time, and all it could take is one more before he becomes a character on Veggie Tales.

Now for the shit games...except for this one. Texas has a home game this week with the confidence of a coked out guido. Kansas flies down to Austin with the pride of a former football player who chose porn over athletics. Five losses in a row and a coach in boiling water this entire week. It looks like a huge blow out. Blow out the size of a cement truck full of meth powder. But, and it's a HUGE but, it's too big of a blowout.

National television, and both fans expecting the inevitable, huge spread (27.5), and Texas expecting the championship, Big 12 and national. But, one thing stands in their way, Todd Reesing. Born and raised in Austin. Completely overlooked by Longhorn recruiters, and hasn't played a snap in Austin before. He's been struggling. Struggling enough to get overlooked by a defensive coordinator/coach in waiting. That is why I'm making a big dicked bandit call here. Kansas over Texas on Saturday night. Boo if you want, or cheer. Just know that if it happens, you all have to buy me a dime bag.

Other, less ballsy calls from the Wizard Wilt:


Michigan thinking about winning, but then choosing otherwise against Ohio State: Yeah, as always, go fuck your mom's gynecologist in the colon Big 10. Then die half flaccid.


Michigan State actually pulling the upset against Penn State: Same as above.


Oregon over Arizona State: Blow out, because the Pac-10 is trying to be gay like the Big 10. But, Oregon has the jersey style of Elton John. Therefore, Oregon with the win.

Guess who is 100% on the basketball front. Let me tell you. His pen name is the only player to score 100 points in a game, hence the 100% on his predictions. His dick is a fucking whale compared to a whale. He is in general, a badass. Spoiler alert, it's me.

Anyways......Butler and Minnesota square off in a match up on Thanksgiving. Woohoo half assed scheduling in week two. This is the best game this week, and I love Minny. Adrian Peterson plays for them right? Yeah, just kidding. When you have a National Championship winning coach, you should always have an upper hand against and mid major. Tubby Smith is a badass. Kentucky misses him, after another close below major game. Calipari is shit, and so is Butler this year. Minny taking this one to the house like Joe Mauer is taking the AL MVP.

More risque picks...

Texas over Iowa: Monday night game in Kansas City. Stupid. Stupid damn scheduling.

And that's all. Seriously. These are the best two games this week. One isn't even good. This is gay, but I will be undefeated through week two. I'll take it, I guess.