August 26, 2009

There's no AI in Team

Anyone in the market for a 34 year old basketball veteran with a slight temperament? He'll do anything for a job right now. Heck, lemme rewrite his resume. Attended Georgetown.....Experience with American media, uh, he can fill your affirmative action? Well, I guess he is destined for an NBA team then, and here are some dream matches.

Dallas Mavericks

Look at a roster with a freshly signed Allen. PG:Jason Kidd/ SG: Allen Iverson/ SF:Josh Howard/ PF:Shawn Marion/ C:Dirk Nowitzki. If this were "Old School" the game then maybe this roster would suffice as a functioning team. In the real world, you would have to have been cryogenically frozen since 2004 to think of this Mavs team as talented. Now, they are more likely to have a subscription to AARP than have athleticism. Even then, watching the John McCains attack the glass would make for an entertaining game. Opposing wipper snappers would just toy with the oldies, and keeping them off the yard would take on a whole new meaning.

Cleveland Cavaliers

Why the fuck not? I mean Lebron could use another early 2000's dominant player. Plus, they could break the record for worst team passing. The Cavs might not even pass twice a game. It would just be 24 seconds of Lebron, then another 24 seconds of Shaq and then 24 seconds of Iverson. This way Mike Brown won't have to actually coach any offense, cause he is incapable of it, as shown in the Eastern Finals. Plus, Pavlovic got traded so number three is available.

Minnesota Timberwolves

Jonny Flynn is the reason this would work, mainly because Iverson could play the two and not be shorter than the point. Also the Syracuse, Georgetown rivalry would be thick in the air in the backcourt. Plus, if all else fails, they can just dump the ball down to the citizen of the IR, or as most people know him, Al Jefferson. Maybe the best reason for a debut in Minnesota for Allen would be the fact that he would be shunned by ESPN. That way we don't have to hear about his antics anymore. Unless of course he blasts his new coach and teammates with a rant about wind sprints. "Man we talkin' 'bout wind sprints. I'm supposed to be the third best player, and we in here talkin' about wind sprints. Not practice. Not a game. We talkin' about wind sprints. How the hell can I make my teammates better with wind sprints?!"

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