September 22, 2009

Firearm Management With Tom Brady

Have you ever had trouble with those pesky fans banging on your windows wanting autographs after rough sex in your golden silk sheeted bed? How 'bout issues with paparazzi snapping photos of your pregnant girlfriend's stomach containing your illegitimate child? Well, worry no more with the brand new defense mechanism...


This is endorsed by famous atheletes like Plaxico Burress, Jason Williams and Tom Brady. Wait, what? Tom Brady? (Bubb checks ESPN with a look of "can anything worse happen to me this week?"). Yes Bubb, yes it can. Although it's no where near as big an issue as Plaxico (who gets two years in jail), Tom will be a little short on diaper money. There is a lawsuit out on Tom for a cool mill in damages from a wild and crazy after-wedding party in Costa Rica.

Apparently there were a few photographers douchebags who decided to crash a Tom Brady after party and make a killing with some paparazzi shots. What was Tom's response to this? Probably a little something like "hey body guard, you wanna shoot these assholes? It's ok, we are in Costa Rica. We can do what ever we want. What do you think I just drank an entire bottle Listerine for? NOTHING MATTERS!"

Well, apparently it does matter, 'cuz Tommy is gonna be a few dollars short. Make that $1 million short. It will probably hurt with a kid on the way. Baby Brady might not get to enjoy the fun of finger painting on a canvas of solid platinum. How sad. Maybe now Brady wont take life for granted and, oh, I don't know, win a championship again. Dammit it's been five years already.

No comments:

Post a Comment