September 21, 2009

Toddler Diet Suddenly Acceptable?

Looks like the swine flu has begun affecting potential BCS teams. Colt McCoy was horrid on Saturday night against Texas Tech, mainly thanks to a pathetic first half. But it's OK, he had swine flu, just in the first half though. This is good for Texas fans who had to witness him overshoot his receivers as if he was trying to throw clay pigeons for them. Wait. (checks webmd) Swine flu creates no complications for your arm? Is this bastard trying to blame a horrible first half on this?

Yes he is, and he also found a cure for the disease at halftime as well. What a coincidence?!  He learned the key to overcoming H1N1 is to digest jelly and peanut butter smashed between two slices of bread with a side of grape Pedialyte. No word on what flavor jelly he used or whether the PB was chunky or smooth, but tests are being conducted on the U of T campus right now to find out the root of the miracle anti-swine flu diet. Meanwhile, the college football writers are considering handing him the Heisman now instead of December, 'cuz, I mean, he cured fucking swine flu while playing football.

On the other side of the spectrum, the NCAA has began banning Pedialyte from athletes thanks to the spectacularly high vitamin count. Also, jelly and peanut butter is no longer allowed to be in one sandwich, but must be on separate sandwiches. We are still not sure if this will effect peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

Seriously though, why would anyone believe this? After a quick relapse back to your four year old diet, you just all of a sudden become better, both health and football wise. I call BS. You just needed an excuse for the pollsters of the Heisman to recognize that the first half was a case of the "my nose was runny and I couldn't grip the ball correctly." No thank you Colt. I don't believe you and your dreamy blue eyes and blond hair and chiseled pecs and... Dammit Dennis Rodman. What did I say about getting on my computer?

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