September 11, 2009

Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse: Week DOS

Hola hombres! It's officially week two of the best sport going on right now, and guess which anti flip-flop/shorts/hat/drinking campus is going on a crack binge this week. That's right, your favorite Mormon college, BYU. Somehow misogyny has actually improved the play of athletes. Who knew this was possible (cough Shawne Merriman cough). So Ya'll (that's how you say it out there right?) get your baking soda 'cuz crack is on the main menu this week.
The Cougars pranced their cleansed and baptized asses into Dallas and then dirtied their selves by sending Bradford's arm to the sideline. How many times do you have to go to confession for that father Steve Young? 5 times. I don't trust you with all you concussions. (Salutes Derrick Thomas in heaven). Anyways, they are hot like a crack pot, and Tulane's wave isn't gonna cool them down (BADPUN).

Who's trippin on Absinthe this week you ask? Oh come on, you know, it's Georgia and their almighty recruiting class of three years ago. When are they just going to be written off as a poorly coached team. I'm doing it right now if you care to join me. In fact lets just yank on their chain and rub their nose in it. I'm tired of them being considered talented. Great, you had the best NFL prospects on offense last year and two leave and still ranked? No, they are bad, their coach is bad, their location in the USA is bad. Everyone hates you Georgia, and what do you do when your hated by everyone and lonely? Stomp on opposing end zones? Rape wild animals? Cheer for the Braves? NO, take Hallucinogens and watch Reading Rainbow of course.

What's the matter with Kansas? Nothing, but what's the matter with K-State? Everything. With the old 'Senile' (new nickname for Snyder, enacted NOW) back on the bench the Wildcats watched Massachusetts come into Manhattan (Kansas) and terrify them with their special Division II magic. The Minutemen (without the help of Callipari's recruiting secrets) showed the K-State fans how to play real football.  K-State did come out with a win, but it was an ugly win that was one successful Paul Reverse away from a stunning upset (BADPUNNANIZED). Enjoy your Heroin, Wildcats,  and be sure to inject into you leg, that way people don't notice how far you've fallen off the map.

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