September 6, 2009

United We Stand, Divided We Fall: Herman Edwards' Perm.

To 20k:

I did not take the time to read the transcription of our text messages. No doubt, they are endlessly laughable.

[Edit]: And holy shit they are. There's a very good chance this will become a Saturday tradition. Maybe we'll go live with it. You would be so lucky.

I did, however, read your response to my "BIG 12 IS SOFT post" and reviewed the statements. Your statements. That belong - with all due respect - alongside my archived anti-Whitlock blog in the hall of "What The Fuck Is This Incoherent, Uninterpretable, Moonshine-Induced Bullshit."

Let's discuss USC running backs' inability to move, as you so eloquently put it.
No, fuck that. "Discuss" is far too engaging. Let's screenshot some evidence:

The proof is in the pudding badass NFL prospects who've proven themselves in the one-through-five slots. We're Tailback U for a reason.

Moving on.

The only fans happy about OU's embarrassment in Arlington, or the "upset" in Dallas' stadium, are Mormons (repetitive, I know), Longorns and, of course, the BAMFs of Troy.

Shitting on OklaHOMO aside, I'm far too lazy to compare the Big 10's 11's overall schedule to the Big 12's. However, we know that KU traditionally organizes out-of-conference games against high schools. So those "easy" Big 10 wins come as frequently as those in the Big 12.

Except for the anomalies played in Jerry Jones' stadium against MORMONS. Those clearly aren't as easy.

I'm in full agreement with the sarcastic BCS statement - this will surely be a year of controversy, as is every year where teams receive sponsorship from Fiestas, Banks, Fruit or glucose insurance.

But I'm expressing complete disagreement with your hesitant statement supporting Les Miles. An Eight point win against a team that won ZERO games last year and currently employs TWO former USC assistants? That's a ballsy contradiction. Ballsy like betting Usain Bolt to beat Rodrick Stewart after his recuperative 2008 Alamo Dome knee-surgery rehab.

Let's conclude with a picture of a TRUE FRESHMAN quarterback who racked up more yards against a six-win D-1 team than a SENIOR did against a one-win D-1AA team. Did I mention the freshman's tailbacks also gained MORE yards on FEWER carries?

JESUS, I'm a douchebag.

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