I hate when people refer to Ohio as part of the Midwest. What the fuck. They're a short distance from the east coast and filled with un-humble douche bags who think they can tip toe the line between the nice/loser Midwest and the cool/asshole east coast. Go fuck yourselves in the buckeye. The real douche bags reside here.....
Now for the main course, everyone's favorite, the hastily scrapped together
Couldn't have said it any better. Okay, maybe a little better...
Yes, I predicted THE University of Southern California to beat ohio state by the 7.5 spread. It didn't happen. I could honestly give a fuck less. Here's a brief recount of my recollection of the game:
-CHRIS GALIPPO INT.
-SOME OSU PLAYER THROWS A SHORT PASS FOR A LONG COMPLETION. HERBSTREIT CALLS HIM A QUARTERBACK.
-BARKLEY, FRESHMAN, LEADS USC TO A SECOND-HALF FIELD GOAL WITH LESS THAN 55 SECONDS IN THE FIRST-HALF.
-A FIELD GOAL
-BOMB-ASS DRIVE, HIGHLIGHTED BY JOE McKNIGHT (4) AND AFOREMENTIONED FRESHMAN'S POISE. GAME WINNING TOUCHDOWN.
I have never been so elated by redneck depression. Ohio thrives on three things:
-Ohio State's football success
The outcome of the first has been quashed like Stephen Hawking in the 100M olympics.
Brady Quinn's NFL success accounts for the second.
Al Gore's Nobel and George Bush's self-embarrassment for eight years vouch for the last.
A state whose success, economic and recreational, rests upon the legs of Terrell Pryor, might as well be on the legs of Frankie Roosevelt.
Every single one of the O-H-I-O fans faces post-STEPHON JOHNSON depression represented by the state's mentality of "I've been shat on. Fuck. My savior, TP, failed. My next best option involves a stool, a ceiling pole and a rope with a slipknot."
If you're reading this, and spent $100 or more on tickets to watch this game, I HOPE YOU PULLED FOR SC. Otherwise, here you go.
I can't watch the highlights of this game without uncontrollably yelling for Bark n McNeezy.
Bring on Texas n Tebow. Call me when either of those teams play top-10s. Colt McCoy will redeem his insurance package and Tebow will be crucified. Freshman CHAMP.