September 8, 2009

Jay Mariotti's Reporting, Word Choice a Complete Turn-Off

Several months ago, when Bill Simmons hosted Rick Reilly on his podcast, he established his stance as a dissenter of the media receiving special, superior-to-the-everyday-fan treatment.

Aside from the pre- and post-game field and press access, I completely agree. Especially after reading Jay Mariotti's opening line in his latest column about USC's opener against San Jose State.

"The afternoon sun was orgasmic, framing the Memorial Coliseum in a California daydream as the USC band played its triumphant post-game march."

Orgasmic? Well, I suppose from the shaded and air-conditioned press box, Jay's accommodations probably felt more luxurious than Megan Fox's insides.

But for the true fans, who endured three hours devoid of any shade, with the exception of a blimp shadow that occasionally passed over the side of the Coliseum opposite the student section, I can conjure only two instances in which the sun resembled and orgasm:

1. Following Joe McKnight's 50-yard TD scamper, I sprayed my nearly-full $5 water in the air like a sprinkler of skeet. Only later did I realize the metaphorical implications of the action I had just performed.

2. In the process of orgasming, the sun also spread syphilis or some other STD that causes intense burning. I forgot to wear protection. One man's pleasure is another man's...melanoma?

Jay Mariotti, however, experienced neither of these events. As a fellow member of the media (The Perm is fast-approaching Mariotti-like readership), I had the option of watching the game in the press box or in the stands. If you read my post following the game, you saw which one I chose.

Half of the live game-watching experience is the ambiance created by spending it among the thousands of fans in attendance. If Jay Mariotti experiences an orgasm from watching a game 100 in an isolated, climate-controlled sanctuary among his press peers, it might be hazardous to the players if he gets within ten feet of the gridiron/diamond/hardwood (ha!) without wearing a rubber.

Mariotti's statement is probably just a hyperbolic lapse in word choice. However, if Mariotti describes anything as orgasmic - other than Woody Paige's facial expressions - on his next Around the Horn appearance, I'll expect a hefty fine from ESPN. The Worldwide Leader is no place for inappropriate, misleading language.

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