August 10, 2009

Sports' Nuts: Conscienceless Athletics

Mike Leach- This guy is on the lower end of the insane scale, but still in the arena of insane. Just think about his coaching style. Texas Tech throws 75 percent of the time and the quarterback doesn't dare put his hands underneath the ass of the center. Plus, If you listen to any of his interviews you'll realize he is a bit twisted in the head. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he had a 'breakthrough'(in his mind) that running backs are obsolete and line-up 5 receivers every down.

Kelvin Sampson- He could just be really, really, I mean really fucking dumb, but I consider it a mental problem that clouds his sense of judgment. Kelvin clearly has problems with with authority 'cuz he wasn't sanctioned once by the NCAA for violations, but twice at (get this) two different universities. At Oklahoma he was nailed with one prior to leaving, and to top it off he chalked one up at Indiana in his first year. He's that insane type that is found in most dare devils who try to flirt with danger, but usually end up face down in a pile of cement, and Sampson did it twice.

Stephon Marbury- Hellooo crazy. I mean for two straight days he didn't leave his live weblog. Two straight days, talking to a computer and verbalized so much that he lost his voice half way through. At one point he said he wanted a dollar from every person in the world. I'm not sure if he realizes the size of the world, but that type of money would dig America out of debt. He also crashed his car while vlogging and told his driver to just drive off because "It ain't nuthin but the devil." Did I also mention he has a tattoo on the side of his head?

Zack Greinke- You wouldn't think it now, considering he is pitching his way to a Cy Young, but this kid is crazy. About 3 years ago Zack, at age 20, lost his marbles. At the time he was the one and only protege for the Royals and decided "hey, i don't know if I want a cool 9 mill a year and every girl wanting to get my dick wet" and took off. I mean he literally took off. The team wasn't sure where he was. Turns out he was suffering from major anxiety, obviously, and after a few months of mental cleansing time, Greinke came back and ran through an extensive double A stint just to recover his abilities. He literally lost an entire year of his career 'cause he was confused on whether or not he wanted the best life in the world.

Terrell Owens- Terrell is one of those guys who doesn't realize the things he has done until he's retired and old. Look, the guy has ruined more teams than Zack Randolph and he still hasn't realized what he is doing. He's like the guy who kills his wife and then, right after it, realizes he overreacted. Come on TO. Plus, he tried to commit suicide too, but it was clearly a call for help from TMZ.

OJ Simpson- The man made a 'killing' when he went to his friends house to receive some of his old merchandise that was supposedly stolen from him. Knowing OJ, we all knew he would try and do it the quick and painful way. Instead of just threatening them with legal counsel, which we all know can stop a murder charge, he went with the "I'll pull a glock on you until you give it back" approach. It was successful, at least until the Vegas police got a tip through the grapevine. Now he gets to spend a decade in jail thinking about the good ol' days when he was still recognizable enough to get away with anything.

Vince Young
- "You just won the National Championship and were selected third in the NFL draft, Vince Young. What are you going to do know?" Disney World? No, thank you I will take my 9 hits of morphine and give up. He was the FUCKING rookie of the year. How can you almost commit suicide. Now your fighting for the coveted second string quarterback position. Maybe you should have just gone through with it. Sorry, that was bad.

Ugueth Urbina-This is the absolute climax of crazy. Ugi thought that as a pro baseball reliever he could do anything he wanted. And, by anything he wanted, I mean slaughter a person with a machete, which he successfully did in the Dominican Republic and earned him a cozy jail cell for life, with plenty of male suitors, and no rent. He had it all planned out.


  1. haha, sensoring negative feedback. what an jacka**

  2. The Greinke part is a little cynical. If anything, affluence exacerbates anxiety issues. My wife is a psychiatrist, and every one of her clients is wealthy. I'm glad he's enjoying life and baseball again. He seems like a great kid.