August 15, 2009

Just More Chances to Catch Swine Flu

Imagine spending a week training against an opponent, struggling to sleep while thinking about their 3-4 defensive scheme, and relentless 300 pound defensive tackle. Then at practice, the coach begins blurting out inappropriate sexual content involving the other team's starting wide receiver and a sheep. Signs litter the streets of your campus urging you and your team to 'murder' the opposing team. On game day, what thoughts are gonna be running through your mind when you walk out of that locker room? "I need to break at least one knee" or maybe "I need my best for this game," but probably not "I can't wait to shake hands and meet theses guys."

Well, college football players, get ready to change your state of mind 'cuz you're shaking hands before the game. Yes, everyone, even you Tebow, get to swap slaps with all 60+ players on the opposing team. Just as the teams are entering the field from the locker room we will see an ugly showing of forced sportsmanship. The lack of sportsmanship in college football is what makes most fans so interested in the sport. The rivalries between people, cities and states are what makes the sport so intense. Now, as fans, we are forced to sit through players making good with the other team.

I would be upset, but the more I think about Georgia and Florida shaking hands with each other, the more I think this could get interesting. All it could take is a, "your mascot is a bitch" comment from the Fla place kicker and a brawl would ignite. So, maybe this could be an exciting new addition to the sport. Although, since the hand shaking ordinance was enacted to combat poor sportsmanship, I'm afraid we will be left with a long 30 min line dance at midfield before every game. I guess I'll just have to head up to the stadium 30 min earlier, so I can get 30 more min of shotgunning in, to pregame the pregame. This way I can shout obscenities and supply the unsportsmanlike surrounding. Watch out children.

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