September 14, 2009

Urlacher Prepares to Combat Season-Ending Injury

Nike unleashed its latest football garb in a fantastically aesthetic (as usual) commercial during the USC-Ohio State game on ESPN Saturday. The commercial featured large doses of Adrian Peterson wreaking havoc on his (predominantly caucasian) opponents. Brian Urlacher is also a Nike-sponsored spokesperson for the new "combat" line of scaly spandex. Unfortunately, the only havoc he will be wreaking will be onthe Bears payroll and on Nike's strategic ad placement:

Urlacher's injury means that the team's masseuse will likely double, as he now has a wrist to massage in addition to Jay Cutler's ego. To Nike's credit, this is far less embarrassing than Citizen's claim that Eli Manning was unstoppable, much to the disagreement of an amateur Bills' defense.

Live Chargers-Raiders blog later tonight. Tequila shots for every time Merriman appears on camera with the facial expression of wanting to choke someone. So basically every time Shawne Merriman appears on camera.

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