October 25, 2009

Sunday Afternoon Rehab Supplement

Welcome to SARS: a recap of the Saturday footballings that weren't contained by Wilt's disease mask. Because someone has to keep this asshole humble.

A brief recap of the drug-induced predictions:

KU over Oklahoma - NO
Boise State vs. Hawaii - PUSH
Cincinnati vs. Louisville - YES
Tennesse covering vs. Alabama - YES
Winter Months vs. Liquid Insulation - PUSH (Still 75 and sunny here. Sorry.)

Overall, a pretty solid weekend of substance abuse for Wilt. Final tally: 2 yes, 1 no, 3 push.

But the overshadowing inept prophecy has to be the UConn-WVU outcome. Jazz's ghost couldn't overcome, as predicted, and the Hukies lost. However, the score appeared irrelevant as sportsmanship and honor prevailed. For some reason, this probably gets both teams points in the BCS system.

The polls are largely unchanged thanks to some blind luck and a guy who'd be better at kicking field goals if his leg was amputated. I guess the black Pillsbury dough boy deserves some credit in the 'Bama game, but it's awfully easy to block field goals when the kicker is aiming for your hands.

Every fucking week the teams ahead of USC seem to barely win against teams that, according to rankings, should be blown to smithereens. Believe me, I try to recover from these letdowns, but then Tim Tebow or Colt McCoy or Nick Saban (I don't know any of the Alabam players, mostly because they're all gay) just stab me into relapse with a heroin-filled syring to the thigh.

Speaking of USC, the Trojan defense appeared softer than a plush stuffed animal yesterday. However, upon reconsideration, Oregon State has three very potent threats on offense, with the Rodgers brothers and a senior quarterback. If you don't believe me, ask the NCAA statisticians. Yes, Wilt. James is above your boy Dez. You can attribute that to his budding dreads.

As usual, the latest polls seem to have everything correct. I'm sure the BCS computers will find a way to jumble them up like the remnants of a crack addict's brain. Next week's BCS busters:

USC at Oregon
Texas at Oklahoma State
Georgia at Florida

Everyone's glucose levels will be extra high this week with Halloween on the horizon, so expect the unexpected. Try to control your sugar rush. Nobody ever fully recovers from chocoholism. Just ask Terrence.

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