December 2, 2009

Tiger acting a little too much like Tyga

More and more women have been showing off their jersey (polo shirt?) banging abilities to the press the past couple of days. Tyga Woods seems to have been getting a little side poontang from the ladies. Makes me wonder, though, what the other best players in the world have been doing.

For example, Zach Grenke. Best player ever (for the Royals). Has to get the pussy like catnip, but jesus that face is elementary. Plus he lives in Kansas City and, just ask Larry Johnson, the pickings are slim. So, with my overabundance of judgment, this is who he is fucking:

Kelly Clarkson fat suit. Mmmmm, what Randy Jackson wouldn't do to get some of that fat white ass.


Chris Johnson is the greatest thing in the world to ever have sported the dreads. To think that the air friction caused by those things are at least or above 500 newtons of resistance, and he is still faster than everyone else on the field is amazing. I can't even imagine his basement grooming, and the only woman I think would be able to take such a load of follicles is...

..Whitney Houston. Who else has had the experience of blowing every single type pub groomage to get some rocks? No one. Plus Chris and her smiles are exactly identical.


Ahh! gotcha. Fuck hockey.


Cristiano Ronaldo is a douche to say the least. Then again, just about every soccer player not from America seems like a douche. Weird that way isn't it? Anyways, douchiness only attracts other douchiness, hence my pick for his affaired lover...

...Jeff Reed. They could stay up all night, spraying on tan and gelling each others hair. They could share in a giant pitcher of Jager bombs. They could pop each others collars, and if it got real crazy, just scrap the shirts entirely. Cupid has struck.


What can I say, LeBron is the best in the world. I mean world, now that basketball has become ever popular among the nations not named America. This is why LeBron would have his way with such peoples from other countries. He's open and considerate to everyone, including other nationalities like..

..the Asian chick from Grey's Anatomy. Perfect match cause I think she railed a black guy in that show. Right? I don't know, but from what I've heard blackanese make for nice babies. Just ask Hines Ward.

Herm's Perm

Wilt Stilts is a badass. He wrote TWO blogs today. You know which girl is a badass like him?

My Sweetheart. Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for you, Imma let you finish, but you were the best SNL performance ever while I was drunk. Ok get back to suckin.

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